If the computer game THE SIMS 2 is anything to go by, getting abducted by aliens and bearing their children is as simple as buying the most expensive telescope and looking skyward.
While this isn’t going to harm your chances of getting abducted, there are a number of measures you can take to put your self in a more feasible position.
Today I will outline reliable means of being abducted by aliens.
Alien abductions are much more common than we think. Do you find yourself loosing time? Do you have missing memories. Do you find yourself in new locations with no memory of how you got there. Are you unexpectedly pregnant? If all of this sounds like last weekend. Then there is a strong possibility you were abducted by extra terrestrials. Does this happen every weekend? Multiple abductions are also common.
I understand those of you who want to have an alien experience face an uphill battle. The field appears rife with kooks and pseudoscientists desperate to discredit your chances. The prospect of medical testing or possibly becoming surrogate parents for alien-human hybrid super soldiers does not appeal to all. Most abductees describe the experience as terrifying or humiliating, but others describe them as transformative or even pleasant
Herein I shall outline reliable ways to get abducted. Then, how to determine the alien’s intentions and finally how to survive your encounter.
The methods to encourage abduction are simple, so lets start there
Be mentally prepared for alien abductions. If you come to terms with the possibility of abduction and prepare yourself physically and mentally, the aliens will look upon you more favorably. Find an inner mantra and mutter it constantly throughout the day. It is especially effective during the daytime in crowded public places where the aliens can sense the thoughts of those around you highlighting you as a perfect abduction candidate.
You can also hang around fellow abductees. Share their habits and interests. For some reason aliens like to take friends, family and associates of abductees. Then drive in your car along deserted roads in rural middle America during the early hours of the morning. When you see lights up ahead and your car radio goes crazy, then the car stops you know you’re getting close.
Make yourself an easy target for the aliens thru self medication of mind altering substances and alcohol. Intoxication will make you more likely to trip and fall and land in a UFO, amphetamines will sharpen your reactions and allow you to see or even catch a fast moving UFOs, and acid will elevate your awareness to tune your mind into the alien nexus and assist with tele-pathetic communication.
Of course your odds of abduction skyrocket, to excuse the pun, when you combine these chemicals in unfamiliar souroundings.
Once successfully abducted you should determine whether your alien means you harm
Can you establish the alien’s mood? If it is attempting to be friendly, chances are that the alien means no harm, but will probably probe you.
Notice how the alien is treating you. Trying to comfort is a much better sign than coming after you with a weapon, or the probe.
Look around you and see how the alien is treating the other abducted persons and animals. Are they harming them? Yeah, that also means your gonna get the probe
So How to survive your alien abduction?
I would suggest thinking pleasant thoughts about staying on planet earth. Aliens can read your thoughts and you don’t want him to misinterpret scenes of leaving earth or probes
If the aforementioned mind control fails, shout that you want to stay, in basic language repeated over and over. Even if their english is rusty the message should get thru eventually.
Reassure the alien that you mean no harm to him, remember that it has come from millions of miles away and is likely not to know what to make of you and your behavior either. Don’t brandish weapons at your first meeting if you can avoid it. It is hard to convince other humans that you mean no harm when you are brandishing your glock 9mm so it could be difficult to convince a completely different species that you come in peace and wish them to live long and prosper if you are armed.
Trust your instincts. If for some reason you feel uncomfortable around the alien see if you can gracefully get away from it. Try to convince it you need to check something out with your leader before attempting to represent the whole human race.
Should you failed non violent measures try fighting back. Even if the alien is stronger than you, as most of them are, putting yourself in their position who would take? Someone who just sits there and accepts they will get the probe, or someone who throws shoes and books at them.
Finally you can let them know that no-one has ever bothered to abduct you before, probably because you are too boring, or too normal. Most abductees are either an easy target, or crave repeated exposure to this marginalized lime light. So you can always try to convince the alien to seek out a more suitable candidate.
That brings me to the end of today’s discourse. You have heard how mental conditioning, chemistry and the right positioning can enhance your chances of abduction. Next ways to tell if you will be probed, and finally, ways to ensure you get back home safely.
I would recommend that you don’t talk about your experiences. At best other people will think your crazy – at worst you will find yourself followed by black helicopters and men in black. Many people want to be abducted so you can see why the government is so keen to cover this up.
When I look around the audience I see some skeptics amongst you, but to you I ask this: can you give but a single piece of evidence to discredit the facts I have outlined today.
Look to the skys people because they are acoming.
